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[Yama Fic] Window of My Soul (Part 2)


Title: Window of My Soul (Part 2 of 4)
Pairing: Yama  (Ohno x Sho)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Sho is trying hard to refrain his feeling for Ohno. Will he succeed? 


Part 2


 

“Be careful, there's a step in front of you.” Sho slowly led Ohno back to Ohno's apartment.


 

It's the day when Ohno came home from the hospital. With his arm around Sho's elbow, he slowly walked into his home, but he never felt so scared going back to his own home in his life.


 

He can't see a thing now. It's all black.


 

Sho led him to sit down on the sofa. “I'm going to bring the bags in. Just sit here and I'll be right back, OK?”


 

“Don't be too long, please” Ohno is so lost without Sho by his side.


 

“I won't be, I promise” Sho reassured him as he walked out.


 

Sitting alone in his own apartment, Ohno was terrified. He used his hands to feel his surroundings. They seem familiar and yet foreign. He heard sounds around him, sounds of wind blowing from the windows, sounds of the clock ticking, sounds of water dropping from the leaking faucet. That's all he can count on now, sounds.


 

What am I gonna do? How can I make a living now? What will my future be?


 

He went into deep thoughts when he suddenly realize Sho has been gone for a long time, when in fact only about fifteen minutes had passed.


 

“Sho, Sho, where are you?” Ohno started to panic. What if Sho doesn't come back? He has no obligation to take care of me. What am I gonna do without him? He is so insecured now.


 

He stood up and tried to make his way towards the front door. He took a step forward but already tumbled when he bumped into the coffee table in front of him. He managed to get up and make his way around the sofa into the dining area. Without noticing he ran straight into his painting easel in the middle of the room where he usually did his paintings. He lost his balance and fell onto the floor knocking down the easel with him.


 

“Satoshi!” Sho entered the front door right when Ohno fell. “Are you alright?” He asked worriedly.


 

“Where were you? What took you so long?” Ohno cried with a broken voice. “Please don't leave me.”


 

“Sorry, I was just...Of course I won't leave you” Sho dropped on his knees taking the panicking Ohno into an embrace, trying to calm him down. His heart ached.


 

Sho was getting the bags from his car outside when he got a call from his superior. They have new assignment for him, but he declined it. It is the time when Ohno needed him the most and he couldn't be away. His surperior was not happy, but let him this time because of his good track record before. But they had given him warnings that this may not be repeated.


 

------------------


 

Sho spent pretty much all of his time with Ohno. He helped him getting used to move around his apartment, remembering where obstacles are, and doing simple things like getting a drink of water himself. Ohno had gradually become more adapted to his sightless life, thanks to Sho. He would still ask Sho once in a while if the police had caught the killer and was frustrated every time when Sho told him no. Ohno's anger towards the killer – him – has not dissipated, not even a tiny bit.


 

Ohno was quite depressed since he couldn't paint anymore. Sho suggested that he could make clay sculptures, using his sense of touch. This was not Ohno's specialty, but at least that could get him back in doing some form of art.


 

“Only if you'd be my model” Ohno said naughtily.


 

“Fine, but you'd better made a very handsome me” Sho is glad Ohno agreed. Having some project to do will distract his mind and frustrations from his blindness.


 

This night, after dinner, Ohno wanted to start working on the sculpture. He sat down on a stool in the middle of the room. Sho hold Ohno's hands and led him to feel all the equipments and tools he placed around him. When it comes to caring about Ohno, Sho would address every little detail. He’s even amazed at himself sometimes.


 

“Now, my model, come sit down by my side.”


 

Sho smiled and pulled a chair besides Ohno and sat down. He is glad to see Ohno in good spirit.


 

“Let me see how you look like. Well, not exactly see, but you know what I mean” Ohno could even joke about his disability.


 

Ohno put both of his hands on Sho's face. Slowly his finger tips moved from his forehead down his eyes, his nose and onto his cheeks. His touches were gentle and detail. Ever since he became blind, his other senses have become more sensitive. Sho closed his eyes and let Ohno's hands explored his facial contour. He feels his heart beats faster, and a stream of heat ran quickly from his body up on his face.


 

“You are very handsome. I wish I could see you.” Ohno said softly. His hands still caressing on Sho's cheeks. He could feel Sho's mouth splitting into a smile.


 

It was a bitter smile, but Ohno didn't know that.


 

If you see me, you will run away as fast as you could.


 

When Ohno's hands touched Sho's lips, Sho shivered. He couldn't help putting his hands on Ohno's, pressing them closer to his lips and give them a gentle kiss. Ohno was taken aback by this unexpected gesture and reflexively withdrew his hands.


 

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have....” Sho apologized for his action, but he didn't regret it.


 

“Don't be.” Ohno reached out his hands trying to find Sho's face again. Sho reached out and gripped Ohno's hands into his.


 

“You'd better start working. I'm getting sleepy.” Sho tried to break this awkward atmosphere, before it goes any further.


 

After Ohno was asleep that night, Sho couldn't help thinking about his little kiss on Ohno's hands earlier. He couldn't deny that he was starting to have feelings for Ohno, feelings that he shouldn't and couldn't have. He was the one who caused Ohno all this pain and resentfulness. He was the one who destroyed Ohno's dream and almost took his life. There is no future for them and he couldn't bear the thought of hurting Ohno more than he already had. He'd got to put some distance between them and not allow his feelings to grow any stronger.


 

He called his surperior and asked for an assignment. He needed to go away for a while to let his feelings cool down.


 

Ohno didn't want to let him go, but knew he couldn't hinder Sho's work, and he's able to take care of himself mostly now. He never asked what work Sho was doing. He really doesn't care. Being with Sho is all that matters to him.


 

When Sho returned, Ohno is always overjoyed. He wrapped his arms around Sho's neck and gave him a big embrace. Sho was equally happy, if not happier, to see Ohno again. His plan to go away to cool down his feelings had failed terribly. On the contrary, missing Ohno those few days had made his feelings stronger and stronger against his will. He cursed himself for it, and determined to put a stop to this glowing emotion that he’s actually enjoying.


 

------------------


 

“The weather seems pretty nice today. Can we have a picnic in the park?” Ohno suggested one morning.


 

“Sure. Let me pack up some food and then we can go” Sho gracefully agreed thinking some fresh air would be good for Ohno. He hadn't gone outdoor much since coming home from the hospital other than having check ups.


 

Slight breeze was blowing on them. Ohno could hear birds singing and leaves moving on trees. It was sunny and warm. They sat next to each other on the grass, hands on the back supporting their bodies, enjoying the symphony of nature.


 

“I never noticed these sounds are so beautiful.” Ohno had learned to enjoy his surroundings in a whole new way.


 

Sho, with his eyes closed, also felt the peacefulness around him, especially with Ohno on his side. For a moment, he forgot that he is a cold blooded killer.


 

“Why are you avoiding me?” Ohno asked suddenly. He noticed.


 

Taken aback by Ohno's question, Sho opened his eyes and found Ohno sitting at an upright position looking directly at him.


 

“Why would you say that? I'm not...”


 

“I might not be able to see, but I can still feel” Ohno interrupted, “If you think I'm too much of a burden for you, you can just say so. I know I have been selfish and make you stay with me. But I am fine now. You can leave as you wish.” Ohno turned away from Sho after he finished, not wanting Sho to see him sobbing.


 

Sho was shock by Ohno’s sudden outburst. He was so determined to distant himself from Ohno that he didn’t realize he had hurt Ohno's fragile feelings by doing so, and Ohno had obviously taken it the wrong way.


 

“Don't say that, Satoshi. You're never a burden to me.” Sho explained, still trying to stay rational.


 

“Then why?” Ohno turned around and faced Sho again, demanding an answer. “Don’t do this to me, I – I love you, Sho-chan, I love you – ” He whispered with his head lowered.


 

“Satoshi – ”


 

Sho could see tears on Ohno's cheeks, and even though the sightless man spoke very softly, he could hear the last words loud and cleared. He couldn't refrain himself anymore. His weakness of guilt and love towards Ohno had overpowered his usually strong will. He wrapped his arms around Ohno's waist and pulled him into an embrace. He gave in, completely.


 

------------------


 

Back in Ohno's apartment, it was way past dinner time but neither of them was hungry. They're enjoying each other's company on the sofa. Ohno's back was comfortably laying on Sho's chest with his head resting on Sho's shoulder. Sho's right hand held on to Ohno's right hand, playing with his fingers pleasurably. His left hand caresses Ohno's left cheek, while he’s breathing in the scent of Ohno's hair. He wishes this moment will last forever.


 

“I hope I can have the cornea transplant soon. I want to see again. I want to see you” Ohno's wanting to regain his eyesight is stronger than ever now that he has found the person to entrust his love on.


 

“Shhhh....” Sho placed his fingers on Ohno's lips signaling him not to speak further.


 

Slowly Sho took Ohno's left hand and flattened his palm. He drew something on the soft tender surface and then bend the fingers inwards forming a grasp.


 

“A heart?” Ohno could feel the shape that Sho drew on his palm.


 

“Correct”, Sho smiled while giving Ohno's hand a slight squeeze. “I am giving my heart to you to keep. Whenever you feel this heart, you know that I am with you.”


 

He placed his lips on Ohno's ears, kissing them tenderly. He could feel Ohno's body shivered. His right hand moved up to turn Ohno's face towards him. His lips landed on Ohno's forehead, his nose and finally met with Ohno's trembling lips.


 

Ohno turned his body around and the chests of the two men tightly pressed against each other. He was a little stiff initially, but gradually relaxed and able to coax with Sho's movements. His hands grasped onto Sho's strong shoulders before slowing wrapped around Sho's neck. The kiss became passionate for a while longer before Sho finally let go. Seeing the all blushed up cheeks in front of him, Sho couldn't help giving a chuckle.


 

Ohno buried his head in Sho's chest and said shyly, “It's my first time kissing a guy, you know.”


 

Sho smiled and replied “Me too.”


 

The two men broke into laughter, with their arms hold on tight to each other.


 

Sho is feeling the love he hadn't felt for nineteen years.


 

Later that night they continued to work on Sho's sculpture. It was about 80% finished. Ohno was really good. Though he couldn't see, he could pick up Sho's facial contour really well. Sho could see it's resemblance to his look.


 

“You never told me what your work is, Sho-chan” Ohno abruptly brought up this subject while he was fixing the nose piece of the sculpture.


 

Stunned by the unexpected question, Sho didn't know how to respond. He had to answer carefully as to not raise any unnecessary suspicious that would complicate things.


 

“Why ask this all of a sudden?” Sho tried not to expose his nervousness on this sensitive matter.


 

“I want to know more about you. Now that we are together, I want to know everything about you.”


 

Ohno's remarks gave Sho a chill. There are so many things about him that must not be known to this man whom he had made blind but yet fell in love with. How he wish they didn't meet under these circumstances. How he wish they could be normal lovers who live happily ever after.


 

“You need to focus on your work. Otherwise you'll make my sculpture looks like an alien.” Sho avoided the subject with a tease.


 

“I fall in love with an alien! It will make headline news.” Ohno has that innocent smile on his face.


 

Sho knew that he couldn't avoid the subject forever. He'd got to be prepared.


 

------------------


 

Ohno was sounded asleep in his arms. Sho could hear Ohno's breathing rhythm. Ohno has been sleeping more relaxingly and without any nightmares since they shared the same bed. Seeing the scars on Ohno’s eyes in the dim light, Sho is overwhelmed with guilt. He touched the scars gently, forwarded his head over and kissed the sleeping man’s forehead.


 

Ohno shifted from the foreign touches. “Sho…” He hold on tighter.


 

Sho's strong arms and body warmth gave Ohno the sense of security that he needed. He totally depends and trusts Sho now. And that worried Sho more and more.


 

What if I have to leave him someday? How could I betray his trust?


 

He is leaving again the next day for an assignment, his last one, he hoped. He had told his superior that he wanted out. He had decided to quit the killing business. Ever since he fell in love with Ohno, he felt his heart had softened. He always imagined how heartbroken the loved ones of the people he killed would be. What if Ohno was his target that night?! What if the picture in his next assignment envelope was Ohno?! He couldn't dare to think any further.


 

“After this assignment, then” His superior told him. “You can quit after this assignment. But I warned you this will be a difficult one.”


 

“I don't care. I will do whatever it takes to get out.” Sho is determined.



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Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
percybum
Mar. 20th, 2011 06:13 pm (UTC)
So cute heart1
OMG Ohno's not his next assignment is he? ;O;
Next chapter please hehehehe
jellybean6972
Mar. 26th, 2011 11:04 am (UTC)
So cute~ o(^-^)o
Crap, Ohno is gonna be his next assignment... I feel it...
*runs to the next part*
mars_anch
Mar. 28th, 2011 01:12 pm (UTC)
I hope sho can finish the last job and came back to ohno with save
mambjd
May. 1st, 2011 06:01 am (UTC)
Pitty sho kun how can he tell all the true ... So sweet when they are together this a bitter sweet. Love it but feel a little bit sad for them.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )