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[Yama fic] Love You, Forever (Chapter 7)

Title: Love You, Forever
Pairing: Yama (Ohno x Sho)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU, sci-fi, angst, romance, drama
Disclaimer: Purely fictional, for entertainment only
Summary:  Ohno found himself in a peaceful place after he was hit by the car and went black. He's sure he was dead. Then he saw Eros again and she showed him something that shocked him....

Chapter 7

Ohno never thought about what it would be like to die, or life after death for that matter. Everything ends upon death, right? May be he would become another person, born to another family and totally forgot about the past life. He liked to think that way, because then he wouldn’t have to worry about how his mother and sister would be after his death. He wouldn’t have to see them grieving and sad but couldn’t do a damn thing to comfort them.

“Where am I?” Ohno found himself in an open field full of flowers. There’s nobody around, but he could hear sounds of wind and moving leaves. “Is this heaven?” He didn’t know what place he was and how he got there. The last thing he remembered was being hit by the car and said goodbye to Sho.

“No, this is not heaven.” Eros voice was heard from behind. Ohno turned around and there she was, came out of nowhere.

“Then what place is this? I am – dead, ain’t I?”

“It’s peaceful here, isn’t it? It can help you think clearly.” Eros didn’t answer Ohno’s questions directly.

“Yes, it is.” Ohno took several deep breathes. He did feel very relaxed. All the anxieties he had been having for as long as he could remember in his life were gone. “Oh, I wouldn’t mind staying here forever.”

Eros laughed. “Unfortunately you won’t. As a matter of fact, you won’t be here very long. I just need to help you find some answers, then you will be out of here.”

“Answers? What answers? As far as I know, I don’t have any questions. Well, other than what my after life will be?”

“Do you still remember the time when your father left?” Eros asked. As usual her tone didn’t carry much emotion.

“Some – I remembered how we almost became homeless – ” Ohno said sadly. This was the part of his life that he didn’t want to remember, but had always stayed in his memory.

“There was a lot more than what you remembered. Or I should say, there’s a lot that you chose not to remember, and I’m going to help you remember.”

“If that was my choice, then I didn’t want to remember, why would I want to now?” Part of Ohno didn’t want to dig up old memories, especially painful ones. But part of him became curious of what was so bad that he chose to block it out.

“Because it affected who you became. You still regret doing so little or nothing to stop those bullies from hurting Sakurai, right? Do you know why you gang up with them in the first place?”

The mention of Sho’s name hit Ohno’s nerves. He had asked himself numerous times why he not only standing on the sideline and watching Sho being physically and verbally bullied, but even took part in the acts sometimes. What puzzled him the most was that he actually had the urge to do it and felt satisfying afterward. What’s wrong with him?

The silence of Ohno told Eros her intention had been met. “Come on, although you may not like what you’re going to see, but I’m sure you will be glad I showed you.”

Eros took Ohno’s hand and led him into a cloud of fog that came out of nowhere. Ohno didn’t resist, nor was he scared or anxious. May be dead people don’t have emotions. He thought to himself.

Soon they were out of the fog but what Ohno saw surprised him. He was brought back to the neighborhood where he grew up at, when his father left him.

“Why are we here?” He asked Eros straight out. The place was not exactly Ohno’s favorite.

“You’ll see.” Eros directed him to look ahead.

Ohno saw a little boy sitting on the stone stairs holding something in his hand, sobbing. When he looked closer he shockingly realized that the little boy was actually him. It was the time when his father first left his family. He was holding a toy car, the only toy that his father had ever given him.

“I used to sit here by myself for hours.” Ohno recalled the saddest time of his life. “I wonder where did that toy car go?”

Eros didn’t say anything nor looked at Ohno. She just kept looking at the boy as if something was about to happen.

Soon enough a few other boys approached little Ohno. Little Ohno stood up and started talking to the other boys. Ohno couldn’t hear what they were saying. But judging from the other boys closing in on little Ohno, it’s obvious that little Ohno was in an disadvantageous position. One of the boy tried to take the toy car from little Ohno but he refused and both sides struggled. There’s no chance for little Ohno in a three to one match and soon the boys took his toy car, pushed him down and ran away leaving little Ohno crying alone.

His father wasn’t much of a father even when he’s around. But his bad-temper did work to little Ohno’s advantage and kept other boys from playing rough on him sometimes. After he left, not only did the other boys scoffed at him for being fatherless, they also started to see him as a bully target. He kept all these from his mother and sister, not wanting to worry them more than they already were.

Silent tears fell down Ohno’s cheeks without him knowing it. Wait a minute, don’t dead people have no emotions? Why am I crying?

“Why did you let me see this? I’m dead already. Isn’t that enough? Why do you have to bring back all these bitterness?” Ohno yelled at Eros. “Everyone was mocking and harassing me. Nobody cared.”

“Someone did care, you just didn’t see it or chose not to see it.” Eros pointed to the far corner of the building where another little boy, about the same age as little Ohno, was standing and watching. He was there the whole time and saw everything that happened. Ohno had no recollection of who this boy was, only noticed that he looked familiar.

Little Ohno’s crying turned into sobbing. He noticed the boy who’s watching him and immediately tried to stop the sobbing and wiped his tears from his face. The other boy slowly walked over to little Ohno and held out a hand and a smile on his face. Instead of reciprocating the friendliness, Ohno snapped the other boy’s hand away. He stood up and gave the other boy a push, causing him to lose footage and fell on the floor. The other boy was shocked at little Ohno’s behavior and was clearly frightened. Little Ohno said something to the other boy and walked away.

Ohno was surprised at little Ohno’s acts. He never thought he could have done something like this to the other boy, for nothing but being kind and friendly to him when he was down. He wanted to go over and comfort the other boy but no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t get anywhere near the boy.

“Why did I do that?” Ohno stopped trying and just mumbled to himself. “He did nothing to me. He didn’t deserve that treatment.”

“You were angry and mad, both at your father and the boys who bullied you.”

“So I took it out on this boy? I’m not like that.”

“You learned that the only way to not being bullied was to be the bully yourself. You thought that if you put up a tough front, then others would not dare to look down on you. This concept was engraved in your mind since that moment and made you who you were all those years.” Eros explained.

Ohno finally understood why he had the misconception of treating violence with violence. He didn’t like that, but that’s the only way to survive. He couldn’t be weak. After all, he was the man of the household.

“Still I shouldn’t have done that to people who’re kind to me, like this boy.” Ohno resent what he, the little him, had done to the boy. May be that’s the reason why he didn’t have any friends while growing up. He had chased all of them away.

“Especially this boy,” Eros corrected Ohno. “He saw your most vulnerable moments, your weakest side, and you couldn’t stand that. Your subconscious told you that you must dominate him, has control over him. Even when you found out you liked him years later, you were too afraid to admit it.”

“What?!” Ohno couldn’t believe when he heard the last sentence. He looked at Eros with widened eyes and opened mouth. “Are you saying – ”

Eros nodded. “Yes, that little boy was Sakurai.”

Ohno felt his legs were losing strength and let himself dropped on his knees. All those years he helped and took part in torturing Sho was merely the result of the boy showing kindness and reaching out to him. What a joke?

“How come I don’t remember any of these?” Ohno covered his face with his hands, feeling terribly regretful.

“You didn’t want to remember, so you subconsciously blocked this part of your memory. When you met Sakurai again in school after several years, you let your fear to expose your weakness overcome your feelings for him. Your were in denial the whole time.” Eros put the last piece of the puzzle in place. Everything makes sense to Ohno now, although he didn’t appreciate the slightest part of it.

“Why didn’t you bring me back to this time? Then I wouldn’t have all these skewed concepts all those years and did so many things I regretted. It’s so heartless to show me after the fact.” Ohno wished he didn’t treat Sho so badly. The two of them could have a great future together if things were different.

“I’m sorry.” Eros sighed. “There’s only so much I can do. But you need to know this, or else you won’t be totally free from your past.”

Ohno took a deep breath. This might not be the happiest ending, but at least he had a second chance to make amends with Sho, and Sho’s life was spared. They spent limited but happy times together. That’s already so much better than what originally happened. He should be grateful.

“It’s time to go.” Eros padded Ohno’s shoulder gently.

“Where are we going now?” Ohno asked but again got no answer. He should have known by now that Eros was not going to tell him anything in advance.

Ohno followed Eros and left his childhood neighborhood. They went inside a cloud of fog again. He wondered how much of his memories that he had blocked out. He also wished he could know more about Sho’s childhood, how he was with his family and how he coped with his mother’s death. There’s still so much more he wanted to know. He hoped that Eros would take him to see more of his or Sho’s past. If he could have more time with Sho, there’s so much they could talk about. But it’s too late.

“Why did you do it?” Eros asked while they were walking in the fog. “Why did you choose to die for Sakurai?”

“I love him.” Ohno said without any hesitation. It’s the first time he admitted his love for Sho with so much certainty.

“More than your own life? Three days ago you weren’t even sure about your feelings for him.” What Ohno did really caught her by surprise.

“I am very sure now. The only thing I would do differently, if I had the chance, is to tell him more that I love him. I haven’t told him enough.” Ohno smiled bitterly. “But, I already had a second chance with Sho, I don’t expect I would be given a third chance.”

“No regret at all?”

“None whatsoever. Well, may be a little, I’m sorry to do this to mama and Masa. But for Sho, I would do it again if I had to.”

Eros was glad Ohno finally found the destination for his love. The confusion, the vulnerability and lost she saw in Ohno a few days ago in the cemetery were no longer there. Though he paid the ultimate price for it, he considered it totally worth it.

She stopped walking and turned to Ohno. “You go ahead now. This part of the journey you must finish on your own.”

“So – it’s time for me to move on.” Ohno felt a little sad. “Will I see you again?”

Eros just smiled, and again not answering the question. She gestured Ohno to go on. Ohno walked a few steps and paused. He turned around and said to Eros, “Thank you, for everything.” Then he continue to walk into the unknown ahead of him.

To Be Continued....

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( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 28th, 2013 11:01 pm (UTC)
Oh my god! This is so beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes. I fill so sorry for Ohno and Sho. All that time Ohno could have had with Sho but instead he bullied him and took out his blame for his weakness on him. Sho was so happy that he had Ohno finally and so was Ohno but like he said too little to late. waiting for the next chapter.
Thanks for the update.
May. 28th, 2013 11:20 pm (UTC)
awww, poor Sho. I never thought that that's the way Ohno became.
Thanks for the update!
May. 28th, 2013 11:40 pm (UTC)
Oh my heart.... Their story is so so sadT__T .... Poor boys!! I loved it, thanks for sharing^^
May. 29th, 2013 05:35 am (UTC)
Will Ohno be brought back to life? A miracle, perhaps?
I shed tears in here. Thanks for updating!
Looking forward for more surprises on the next chapter!
Jun. 1st, 2013 11:40 pm (UTC)
Sho is such a nice kid <3
Very interested in what is going to happen next!
I am hoping for a happy ending :D
Jun. 7th, 2013 11:12 am (UTC)
I just read up to this chapter in one sitting since RL has been too busy & this is just too good!!! when ohno sacrificed himself i seriously cried with tears & all knowing the rationale & the context behind his actions~! & wow fate that they met again a few years after ~! i wonder what the upcoming journey ohno's gonna take?? will we also get sho's pov??
thanks for this!!
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )